I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
