I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
