Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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