everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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