Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
