Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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