I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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