You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
