dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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