Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
