How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
