don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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