ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
