also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
