Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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