1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
