i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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