If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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