I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize