carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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