When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
