Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
