went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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