You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
