Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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