I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
