Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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