He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize