pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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