alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
