I think i peed on brittanys purse
People with herpes should wear stickers.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
