The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
