I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found your dick twin last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
