She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
