Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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