My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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