I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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