She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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