Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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