the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
