Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
