you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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