I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
