her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
