we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
