So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
