Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
