I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
