Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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