Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
