There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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