So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
