I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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