She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
