capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
