so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
