Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
