i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
