I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
