You smell like stripper and shame
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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