I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
