I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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