he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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