The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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