I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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