Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize