I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
