i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
