Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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