I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
